Warhammer games before Christmas: which fits your evening?

If you've finally got an evening to yourself, the question is which Warhammer game to play: the six pound one, the 22 pound one or the 50 pound one, and how much of your life it's going to take. For me, the one I'm most likely to find time for is Warhammer Survivors. The one I'm most excited about is Dawn of War 4.

I know how much time these games can eat. Last year I went back to the original Dawn of War. I thought I'd have a quick look, and then I finished the entire campaign in one sitting. I was still wandering around trying to find the last orc building, exactly the same problem I had 20 years ago. Six hours at the computer is apparently something my back now needs three days to recover from. So here is every Warhammer game coming up before Christmas, and how much of your evening each one will take, whether you've got 20 minutes on the sofa or a whole weekend. Two of the biggest ones everyone is talking about aren't coming this winter at all, and I'll get to which ones before you spend your Christmas money.

Warhammer Survivors is the Warhammer game I'm most likely to find time to play

Warhammer Survivors came out on November 10, and the best part is the price: about six pounds. It's on almost everything, even your phone, and it's on Game Pass. It's essentially Vampire Survivors. You run around, the game does the attacking, and within five minutes the screen is full of things trying to kill you, which sounds like most games of 40k. There are over 40 characters from 40k and Age of Sigmar, and you don't have to spend three evenings painting any of them.

Not every Warhammer game needs to be an 80 hour epic with 17 mechanics to remember. Sometimes I think you just want to sit down, kill some Tyranids for 20 minutes and then go to bed.

I did want to see whether it's any good, or whether I was only excited because someone put a chainsaw in it, which is usually all it takes. So I had a look at the free demo, though not for very long, and I do need to go back to it. It's a bit slower to get going than Vampire Survivors. When I play something like this, I think I want absolute carnage. I want the screen so full of Tyranids that my PC starts considering exterminators. For six pounds with a free demo, give it a go before you make your mind up.

Boltgun 2 is an old school shooter for anyone who grew up on Doom and Quake

Next is Boltgun 2. It's out now, it arrives on Switch 2 on November 19, and it costs 22.49. The way I think about it, if you grew up on Doom and Quake, this is for you. It's an old school shooter with big chunky pixels and ridiculous weapons. We've spent 20 years making games look more and more realistic, and now we're all excited about something that probably could have run on Windows 98, and it's brilliant.

I love the original. There's something very satisfying about being an Ultramarine who has decided the most efficient way to deal with Chaos is to shoot everything that moves. It could occasionally turn into an hour of wandering around some Imperial facility looking for a door, though. You've just slaughtered 300 heretics, a greater daemon and half the population of the Eye of Terror, and now you're lost in a corridor.

By all accounts the sequel is a big improvement. There are better levels, more variety in the enemies, new attack moves and a Sister of Battle, and the reviews are pretty good. There's not much story, but I'm not too bothered about that. I love the lore, but sometimes I don't want a 40 minute explanation of why I'm shooting someone. Sometimes I just want to shoot them.

Dawn of War 4 is the Warhammer game I'm most excited about

Dawn of War 4 is out on December 3, on PC only. It's 49.99, or 44.99 if you pre-order. There's also a 74.99 edition with the year one expansion and three days of early access, because apparently paying 75 for a game isn't enough. You also need to pay for the privilege of ruining your weekend slightly earlier.

Dark Crusade is probably up there with my favorite Warhammer games of all time. So going back to Kronus with the Blood Ravens, with proper base building, has my attention. If you've never played it, think of Age of Empires, but instead of sending someone off to chop down a tree, you're building an army of Space Marines to go and ruin someone's day.

As a Blood Angels player, you'd probably think I'd go straight for the Space Marines, but the Adeptus Mechanicus are in it for the first time, and I'm tempted to play them first. The soundtrack in Mechanicus was incredible, and "there's something wonderfully ridiculous about an army of tech priests and giant robots just worshiping a toaster." You can play the campaign in co-op as well, which means one more match, and then suddenly it's 3 in the morning.

It's a new studio this time, King Art rather than Relic, so I'm trying not to get carried away. I think we've all seen what happens when a sequel promises to recapture the magic, and Dawn of War 3 is a bit of a sore subject. The PC requirements weren't out when I put this together and I couldn't find them, so I think we need to check those before we pre-order. For me, though, this is a big one: a clear the weekend, make a cup of tea, tell everyone I'm busy kind of game. I've always preferred real time strategy, I think mostly for the joy of watching a Dreadnought wander off in completely the wrong direction.

Battlesector's Courage and Catastrophe expansion is the turn based pick

I do like a turn based game, which brings us to Battlesector. Its new expansion, Courage and Catastrophe, is out on December 14. Think chess, but with Space Marines. You move, they move, and you've got time to think, which, as someone who regularly forgets half her rules playing 40k, sounds like bliss.

It uses the same sort of thinking as the tabletop: where to put your units, what to shoot, and whether charging something is a good idea. I play Blood Angels, so the answer is always going to be yes. Whether it's sensible is another conversation. Organizing a game of 40k as an adult is near enough impossible. Everybody has normal stuff, jobs and kids, and about three available Saturdays between all of you for the next ten years. I'll keep finding the Warhammer that fits around it.

Space Marine 2 is still the most searched Warhammer game

Space Marine 2 has been out for over two years, but according to Google Trends it's still the Warhammer game people search for the most. It's probably the closest we've ever come to feeling like Titus, wading through hundreds of Tyranids with bolters going off and chainswords everywhere. My only real complaint, I think, was playing the campaign on my own. Free upgrades let you play as Chaos Space Marines.

The real draw is playing with your mates. There's no spending three hours explaining the rules, and no worrying about that one person who brings a ridiculous army list and insists it's a casual game. We've all got one. Instead it's a couple of grown adults with a combined age of over 100 shouting at each other because someone charged a Carnifex with a chainsaw, which I fully support.

Dark Heresy and Total War Warhammer 40k aren't coming this Christmas

Now for the two big ones to know about before you spend your Christmas money. Dark Heresy is the new RPG from Owlcat, which made Rogue Trader. You play as part of the Inquisition investigating heresy, presumably accusing everyone you meet of being a traitor. There's still no release date.

The other is Total War Warhammer 40k. I've wanted that in the 40k universe for years, and we all have, but again there's no release date, so don't expect to be playing it this Christmas. While we're here, Deathmaster is a new Age of Sigmar stealth game where you play as a Skaven assassin: a giant rat sneaking around murdering people. Lovely, wholesome entertainment.

My verdict on which Warhammer game to buy for the time you have

Left to my own devices, I'll get a free evening, scroll through Steam for 45 minutes, decide I'm too tired and go to bed. I play when I can, and I don't play with any level of skill or accuracy. If I get a spare half an hour and I haven't fallen asleep, I'll play something, and I quite like that it's something I don't have to share.

So if you've got 20 minutes and six pounds, it's Warhammer Survivors. If you've got an hour after work and 22 pounds, Boltgun 2. If you've got 50 pounds, a decent PC and a free weekend, Dawn of War 4. If you like the tactical side of the tabletop, Battlesector. If you've got mates online, Space Marine 2, especially if you already own it, though that relies on mates. As for Dark Heresy and Total War, we'll have to be patient, and as the Warhammer community, we're good at that.

As for me, it's probably Survivors. It's six pounds, money's tight, and it looks like the sort of game I'll get into for 20 minutes, then look up and find it's been three hours. Then again, my Steam library "suggests I've been preparing for nuclear winter since 2012."